I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
