he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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