Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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