its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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