Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
