wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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