I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
