ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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