dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
