I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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