does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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