my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
