so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
