the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I could fuck to npr.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
