saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
