Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
