I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
