please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
