Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
