worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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