you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
