You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
