You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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