I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
