There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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