I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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