he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
