y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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