i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
