You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
