Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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