Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
