Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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