THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
