fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
