if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
