So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
