I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
