Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The beer is more important than you right now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
