allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
