If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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