i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
be right there i have to get my cape
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
