who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
