I am in a vortex of obligation.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
