i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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