Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i think im in europe. pls send help
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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