Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
