We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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