i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
