Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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