I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
