You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
