Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
