Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
