We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
