She just used a chaser for red wine.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
