erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You're like the curious george of whores
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
