smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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