Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
