drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
