Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
