she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I checked into jail on foursquare
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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