She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
