She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
