My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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