Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
