You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
