can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
