it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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