that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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