I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You took a bar mat shot.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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