you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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