what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The feeling are messing with the penis
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
