Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
