the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
