his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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