I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
