Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
