By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
